i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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