Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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