I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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