Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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