I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
