I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
