Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
