that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
