Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
