It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
