Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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