Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
