it hurts more in the daytime
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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