Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
