He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I need water and some morals
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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