I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
