Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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