He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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