I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
