she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize