somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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