this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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