if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
