dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
