you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
