oh god the rape fog is back!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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