I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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