she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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