everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
