Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
