At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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