I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
