Fine. I'll sleep in my office
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
