You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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