So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
