She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
