please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We're too hungover to prance.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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