so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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