thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
