Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
