just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
