Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
