first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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