One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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