I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
