so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
