i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
