He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Your cock deserves a montage
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
