If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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