Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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