Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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