Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
