Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
