yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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