based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
