So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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