What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
