whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
