I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
