Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
