Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
BRING THE BAGELS
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
